Chapter 18 – The Woman at the Well
John 4:5-29 Then cometh he to a city of Samaria, which is called Sychar, near to the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. Now Jacob’s well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied with his journey, sat thus on the well: and it was about the sixth hour. There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink. (For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat.) Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans. Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water. The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water? Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle? Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life. The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw. Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither. The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband: For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly. The woman saith unto him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet. Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship. Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father. Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews. But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him. God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth. The woman saith unto him, I know that Messias cometh, which is called Christ: when he is come, he will tell us all things. Jesus saith unto her, I that speak unto thee am he. And upon this came his disciples, and marvelled that he talked with the woman: yet no man said, What seekest thou? or, Why talkest thou with her? The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men, Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ?
I know that was a lot, but I think that story is very important for many, many reasons. One of the main things that stand out to me is, was she ashamed after Jesus sat there and went over everything she had ever done in her life? It says that she dropped the water pot and ran to go tell everyone! Do you think she would have done that if He had shamed her?
No, He told her everything she did and then followed it up with… and here is why you did it. And then, I understand and forgive you! I heal you from all of that hurt and shame and guilt that you have been carrying around all of these years. He set her free.
How do I know all of these things? Because He’s done it with me…
I’m going to tell you my most horrible wretched sins. Because He told me to…
Believe me, I prayed about this a lot hoping to get out of it! But some of you probably have the same sins, that you may think are unforgiveable. Or perhaps even worse… have never forgiven yourself. That is possible… and if Jesus forgives you, who are you to hang on to it? Let it go and be free of it! We are supposed to lift each other up. And all sins are forgivable if you ASK forgiveness and turn your life towards Him. So deep breath and here it goes…
I’ve done a lot of things that I’m not proud of…
Like the woman at the well, I’ve had many “husbands”. I wasn’t always that way. I was a virgin until I was about twenty years old. I fell in love with a boy in college and happily lost my virginity. I thought that he was it and we would be married.
Well, that wasn’t it and much of it was my fault. I got drunk one night, out with friends and family. One of my brother’s friends cornered me in the bathroom. My boyfriend came in through the door and found us kissing. I didn’t even like this guy and had only been in there a few minutes from what I can remember. Things were very fuzzy.
He eventually forgave me, but it broke the trust and ruined our relationship. He was older also and graduated before me and that distance eventually killed us. I was devastated.
God knew why it was important to wait until after marriage to have sex. Once you lose your virginity that is it. You can never have that innocence back. Men look at you different and you look at yourself different. That whole lust thing becomes a part of it. Once that hunger is awakened in you it needs to be fed and that goes ten times for men and their libido.
But for a woman, it’s not only the urge to have sex… that now is how we are trained to get male affection. And that folks, is messed up. We are designed to need each other. God even said it is not good for man to be alone. That is why he made Adam and Eve because they needed each other.
But now our society (satan), has turned that into being a sign of weakness. You can’t be needy in a relationship, or no one will be with you. What?? That makes no sense. Of course I’m needy. I literally have a hole in my body that is supposed to be physically filled with my husband that God picked out for me. Same for him. That is a crazy lie!
We need each other and we need God.
God brought to my mind all of these things in the past few years. He reminded me of my innocence and how and why I started not to respect myself anymore and give myself away. He understood it and it grieved him. And… He reminded me that it grieved me. It was the precious healing that I needed.
He even convicted me to forgive that guy in the bathroom, who is dead at the present time. Even in death they require forgiveness, if they are going to be weaved into that coat of many colors with us. No room for grudges there. How my life would have changed had that not happened. I probably wouldn’t be writing this book. Everything happens under His control and for a reason.
As a matter of fact, I think that is really the level of forgiveness that He asks of us. Are you so mad that you want that person cast into hell forever? What kind of person does that make you? Or, do you leave it up to the one who made them and knows their heart. He knows who will be in that robe or not, and you have to have the forgiving heart to make it in there yourself.
That forgiveness that He offers is not to accuse you or hold you responsible. It is to heal you. To heal you completely and totally from the reasons that you did any of those things in the first place. He knows who to hold responsible for all of it.
The worst thing I ever did in my life was to have an abortion in college.
The details of that are unnecessary here, but what is necessary for me to talk about is how deceptive satan is on this topic.
At that point in my life, I thought it would ruin my life. I could never use the education that I was receiving to make anything of myself. I was selfish.
On top of that, I bought into the lies that satan spins around that topic. I thought as the world teaches, that the embryo is not really a baby until much later in the pregnancy. That the first few months it is like a seed and not really anything. Nothing more than having a period really. This is the lie that is believed by much of the world today.
I am embarrassed to say that I didn’t really think too much about it at that point because it was early, and I thought of it as not a big deal. Nothing more than a period really and a small seed. That’s what I told myself anyway… Just handle it and move on.
But it was always in the back of my mind. Especially as I got older and would see my friend’s kids and think how old mine would have been.
I didn’t fully grasp what I did until I got back into studying the bible. As soon as Mary became pregnant with Jesus, immediately after conception, she ran to her cousin Elizabeth’s house who was pregnant with John the Baptist.
Luke 1:41 And it came to pass, that, when Elisabeth heard the salutation of Mary, the babe leaped in her womb; and Elisabeth was filled with the Holy Ghost:
I refer you back to the moment of conception that we discussed earlier when that light enters the egg. That is the Spirit, and it happens instantly. You are not just stopping a pregnancy, you are stopping a soul from coming into this world. This grieved me to my core.
Especially because later in life I was unable to have children. I thought God was punishing me for what I had done.
One day I was sitting outside feeling sorry for myself because I hadn’t conceived. I was married at the time and that was still a possibility. This is the only other time that I “heard” God’s voice, and He said to me… “Maybe that is not the plan I have for you”. Clear as day. The tone was very much, “so quit feeling sorry for yourself and get to work.”
I washed my face and guess I did… About a year later, we were at my mother’s eightieth birthday party and she began to lament a little about how sad she was that I had never had children and would have wanted that for me. But she said, you know what, God came to me and told me “Maybe that is not the plan I have for her”.
I almost dropped my cake. The exact words…
So, if we break this down… what I had tormented myself about. That abortion many years ago. He knew I was going to have, and He knew how He was going to use it and work it into His plan for me. Amazing Grace.
Then after I had refocused my life again to Him… He brought the father of that soul to my house to apologize for how everything had happened. How he had gotten another girl pregnant at the same time and had told me that he was going to marry her before I had a chance to tell him that I was pregnant. I had completely forgotten that part in the process of beating myself up and not forgiving myself.
But God hadn’t forgot, and He knew that piece of information was important for my healing. It was important to help me forgive myself. To communicate to me that He understood why I did it. Amazing Grace indeed.
The second worse thing I’ve ever done in my life was to have a couple of homosexual experiences. Please don’t mistake that for me judging homosexuals at all. I’m judging myself, because I am not one. Soberly, I would never even think of doing anything like that because I don’t have that desire.
For me to have done that, just shows the power of alcohol and the sorcery and seductive powers that can come in those “spirits”. As I stated earlier, it can give the devil a foothold in your life to do things that you wouldn’t normally do.
These two sins represent 3 days of the almost 20,000 days that I’ve lived so far. And satan has put them before me in my mind to shame me most of those days.
This is not how God wants us to live. He doesn’t want us to live in regret. He says come admit what you’ve done and come back to me, and I’ll forgive it and It’s over. I died so that you don’t have to think about those things anymore. The devil will not have power over your mind anymore with me in it. You will begin to see yourself through my eyes. Absolutely Beautiful, Amazing Grace!
The third thing I did was lose myself in grief for several years after losing my parents. I’m not going to say that was a “worse” or bad thing because it was beautifully necessary to get me to where I am today in my walk with Christ. But staying there as long as I did, kept me in satan’s tools of isolation, alcohol, and sadness for way too long.
As I stated, I lost both of my parents after very long illnesses into which I poured myself into their care. I had already lost my marriage and the ability to have kids. I think after their death, I just completely lost my identity. Not only because I had nothing to associate myself with anymore, but I knew deep down no one would ever love me that much again. At least not in the flesh.
The crash.
I had lost all hope and sense of myself. The people that relied on me, eventually just gave up waiting for me to get better. I wasn’t getting better… I couldn’t really see a reason for living. All I did was work and drink wine and watch TV. What’s the point?
I fleetingly considered suicide… I had no children. I mean really who was going to miss me.
But I’m not that person and I’m not that selfish. I say that not judging anyone. But I couldn’t do that to the people I love and I’m lucky enough to have people that love me.
Mostly, I felt the ever-growing presence of God in all of the loss and tribulation. The solitude made me study the bible and the broken heart made me seek Jesus. A love that would never give up on me. You will never know how much you need God until God is all that you have.
Two words that you wouldn’t think go together are beautifully tied in Hebrew. Hope and Wait. Hope is Tiqvah, which is the idea of looking forward to something with confident anticipation. It is derived from the verb Qavah, which means to wait for. But Qavah means more than that. Qavah also means to bind yourself to something. Like twisting two or three cords together to make them unbreakable. So, when Jesus said to wait. He wasn’t saying grab a chair and open up a magazine. He was saying bind or wrap yourself in me, in that hope which is the promise wherein comes your confidence. Wherein is your HOPE.
I have asked forgiveness of all these things, and I know that He has forgiven me. And He will do that for you if you ask Him.
Isaiah 54:4 Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.
Psalm 25:7 Remember not the sins of my youth, nor my transgressions: according to thy mercy remember thou me for thy goodness’ sake, O Lord.
I think the hardest thing in the world is to forgive ourselves. We know right from wrong, and when we mess up the devil is there to ensure that we pay for it, a thousand times over. He amplifies it in our mind. Shouts it, about how awful we are and unlovable, disgusting.
Christ died so we wouldn’t have to listen to that crap anymore. I think it goes hand in hand with the reason for prayers. I believe that when we ask for forgiveness, he takes it off of our list and adds it onto the devil’s. He knows who to blame for our sins and who convinced us to do them in the first place.
Revelation 8:3-5 And another angel came and stood at the altar, having a golden censer; and there was given unto him much incense, that he should offer it with the prayers of all saints upon the golden altar which was before the throne. And the smoke of the incense, which came with the prayers of the saints, ascended up before God out of the angel’s hand. And the angel took the censer, and filled it with fire of the altar, and cast it into the earth: and there were voices, and thunderings, and lightnings, and an earthquake.
Jesus promises that if we confess our sins that our Father is faithful to forgive them.
1 John 7-10 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.
James 5:16 Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.
This does not mean that you have to go in front of any group at church or otherwise and humiliate yourself. A trusted Christian friend, even one is enough. You will find that once your lungs give breath to it, the power of that sin is gone. Gone forever…
Jesus has already paid for your sins. You may think that your sins are too bad and that you don’t deserve forgiveness. I tell you that we all feel that way. After several thousand years at this, I guarantee you that you have not come up with a sin that God hasn’t heard of!
He says just to turn away from it in teshuvah, and come back to my open arms and I never want to hear about it again.
Does that mean that I live a perfect life now? Or that you need to, in order to be blessed?
None of us meet that standard and that would mean that we thought we could get into heaven by our own good deeds. It doesn’t work that way. Only THE WAY… faith in Jesus. He died because he knew none of us could meet the standard of holiness required to live in his presence. He had to die and His blood, as the ultimate sacrifice, had to cleanse us for us to live in Heaven with Him.
The bible says that He offers us tender mercies every day! He knows we are going to mess up somehow every single day!
But as long as we keep trying to turn ourselves to him completely every day, He forgives us and is with us.
Lamentations 3:22-23 It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
Amazing Grace. How sweet the sound.
He is in you, He is all around you. He is the very air you breathe… the life giving Ruach spirit that He breathed into your lungs to give you life. He is the gravity that attaches all of us to Him. We are all one in Him.
Thank you for replacing your Ruach to the devil’s own condemning breath in mine to myself. And, thank you for your promise to do the same for these reading this Father, that I lay on the altar in front of you.